The next couple of posts offer some sound advice for navigating this territory from articles I recently read.
Can Bosses Be Friends?
The first, Be the boss, not a friend, published at Fortune/CNNMoney.com, is an excerpt from Linda Hill and Kent Lineback's book, Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader by Linda A. Hill and Kent Lineback and suggests why seeking friendship from workers, or simply trying to be liked, isn't in the best interests of a productive work relationship.
Noting that the relationship between boss and worker "exists to accomplish work," they offer several reasons why seeking friendship with workers is a bad idea. All of the reasons come down to the basic issue: managers are responsible for achieving certain results. If those results are not achieved, managers need to counsel workers, put them on probation, and possibly even lay them off. But that's not easy if the manager and the worker are friends.
They also note that, if managers are friends with their staff, they're likely to be closer friends with some workers than others, only adding to tensions in the workplace.
To be honest, this article reminded me of one of my favorite topics from the old Ricki Lake show, "You used to be my friend, now you're my boss," which explored the transition from friends to manager and worker (albeit in a purposefully combative way).
Hill and Linebeck conclude that:
In a word, the boss–subordinate relationship is another paradox, one of the most profound you will encounter as a boss. It's a paradox because it must be genuinely human and caring—even close.Check out the article at http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2011/01/18/be-the-boss-not-a-friend/.
This issue hits home particularly for me.
ReplyDeleteI was friends with many of my peer/colleagues at the office and hung out with some of them outside work--one in particular I have a lot in common with and we became very good friends. After 5 years I was promoted and my friends were suddenly reporting to me.
It was hard that after so many years of talking about "us and them", suddenly I was "them".
I've had to pull back from the friendships because I need to be the boss first. You can't really be equal friends with someone when you have such a lopsided power relationship in most of your time together.
You can't just stop liking these people as friends (at least I can't), but your role as leader / coach has to take precedence. A person's relationship with their boss is their most critical relationship in a workplace--you have a profound impact on their career and you have a responsibiity to manage that with professionalism and as little bias as you are able. It's not just bad for you to be their friend first and their boss second--it's actually bad for them if you are not addressing issues or letting them slide on bad habits.
I know someone who had her best friend work for her and when the business was in tough times, she had to let her friend go. They are friends again now but it took years for their friendship to recover.
To my good friend's credit, I think he's been extra-careful to be diligent and professional to help avoid putting me in situations where our friendship could create a conflict with my responsibilities as he manager. On my side, I'm extra-careful and check-in with my manager as a reality-check that I am managing him appropriately.
He's a great employee and I enjoy working with him as his manager. But I look forward to one day NOT being his boss, so that we can just be friends again without any complications.
On the plus side, you get to join a new club--you gain a new peer group of fellow leaders and managers and have an opportunity to forge new friendships among them.